The Dangers of Matchmaking
by Le Queen of Morons
Summary: Uryuu should really know better than to meddle in the romantic lives of his elders.


Ryuuken Ishida was not a patient man by any stretch of the imagination. He was not fond of surprises, either. If it didn't go according to some sort of plan, he simply had no interest in it. However, that notorious impatience did sometimes prompt him to do things he would later regret.

He had no doubt that this just happened to be one of those things.

He scowled at the glass of water sitting innocently on the table as if it had offended him personally. His son's constant comments and barbs at him about being so uptight over the past few weeks had finally gotten to him. At last, he'd agreed to go on this ridiculous blind date.

Ryuuken had not dated since he'd met Uryuu's mother. Ryuuken had not even _thought_ of dating since he'd met Uryuu's mother. As far as he was concerned, his late wife was the only woman he could ever truly love. Her loss had been entirely too painful to attempt to revive similar feelings with another.

He took a sip of water and checked his watch. The sooner this was over, the better.

"Well," a low, smooth voice intoned as the woman approached, "You're the last person I would have expected to be here."

The doctor raised his steely gaze to the speaker, and silver brows shot up upon catching sight of the satin clad, chocolate skinned beauty. "Yoruichi Shihoin. I should have known."

"Don't act so happy to see me, Ryuuken." Knowing better than to wait for the steely man to pull her chair out for her, she primly took her own seat. "How did Uryuu talk you into this?"

The elder Ishida sighed. "That boy can be very frustrating, sometimes."

"I see." The shinigami flashed a decidedly Cheshire grin at the Quincy opposite her. "How about we give him a little of his own medicine?"

Ryuuken sat back in his chair and lit up a cigarette. "I'm listening."

* * *

><p>Uryuu couldn't believe it had actually worked. Ryuuken was notoriously difficult to manipulate, unless you happened to be a certain, maddening family doctor. That particular brand of insanity would have an effect on <em>anyone<em>.

He wasn't particularly surprised to find his father looking like he usually did early the following morning. The surgeon was perfectly groomed, sans suit jacket and reading the day's newspaper. There was however, the subtle hint of Yoruichi's reiatsu still hanging about the man. Interesting.

"So," the son went about making himself a modest breakfast, and took his usual seat. "How was your date?"

"It went well," was the monotone reply. Paper rustled as he turned the page. "She's moving in this morning."

"PFT!" Orange juice sprayed over the meticulously prepared egg and rice. Uryuu grabbed a napkin and mopped at the liquid scattered over the table surface as he stared at his father with bugged eyes. "SHE'S WHAT?"

"Mmhm." Cold blue eyes glared steadily at him from over the edge of the periodical. "Calm down, son. You're the one who thought we would hit it off."

"B-but, I didn't-"

"You do obviously need a mother figure in your life, after all. I must admit, it has been rather lonely with only you for company." He glanced at the clock and folded the paper neatly before taking a pull off of his coffee. "Now, eat your food and clean up this mess. She'll be here any minute."

This was _not_ what Uryuu had in mind! Not at _all!_ His mind raced as he finished cleaning up the citrus puddles, and started in on his breakfast as steadily as he could.

For his part, Ryuuken simply rose from the table, took care of his own dishes and strolled easily out of the kitchen. Soon enough, the front door opened, and when Uryuu peeked around the corner, found his father and the Shihoin noble embracing warmly.

What the _hell_?

"Uryuu!" Yoruichi positively beamed when she caught sight of him. She granted Ryuuken a brief kiss, and strode over to the gaping teen. "It's so good to see you!"

They've both lost their minds. That was the only conclusion the poor youth's brain could come up with.

He could do nothing more than squeak under the feline woman's bone crushing hug.

"Now, we're going shopping for a few things." She grinned at Ryuuken and winked suggestively. "A little bonding time between mother and son, y'know."

Uryuu stared at his father in disbelief as his shoulders were squeezed again. All of this after one date? Really?

Before he could protest, he was pulled across the living room and out the door.

* * *

><p>Eight hours later, Uryuu slumped on his bed.<p>

Ugh, if he saw another boutique, or heard, "Uryuu-chan! What do you think? Would your father like this one?" again, he'd scream. What one woman needed with so much lingerie was beyond him, and the young man wasn't brave enough by a long shot to even think about asking.

That had to be the most embarrassing day of his life. He was surprised that he hadn't passed out from how hard he had been blushing at some points.

Glasses slid from his face, and graceful hands pressed to scrunched shut eyes. "I'm doomed," he groaned at the empty room.

He sat up, however, and replaced his eyewear when the door clicked, then opened. There his father stood, wearing an unreadable expression.

Uryuu fixed the older man with a glare. "What do you want, Ryuuken?"

"Nothing, son." His thin mouth twitched in what was almost a smirk. "April fools."

Sapphire eyes widened, but the pillow he'd launched at his infuriating father only thumped harmlessly off of the wood of his closed door.

* * *

><p><strong>Wow...I've really been neglecting my fanfiction. So sorry to my readers! Life's been insane, and when I do get a little time to write, my original work usually eats my brain. Hopefully, I'll be getting back into the fanfiction game soonishlike. Here's an offering for now. XD<strong>


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